Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
