Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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