I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
