somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
