come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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