I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
