He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
