My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
