conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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