im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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