I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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