The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed