just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.