That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.