dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial