Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?

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(204): View more from Manitoba

He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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(713): View more from Texas

She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey

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These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Read it at the TFLN blog
(631): View more from New York

It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.

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(415): View more from California

handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond

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(509): View more from Washington

I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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(513): View more from Ohio

well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

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