FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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