When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
