I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!