Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.