I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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