I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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