You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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