i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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