She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
