So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just tell him i said nine months
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
