He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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