I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
