My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
