dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
