does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
