id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
