Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
