I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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