Grow some girl-balls and come out already
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
