Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
