I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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