he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
