I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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