The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
