i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
