Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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