i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
