You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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