my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize