there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
