wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
