I am in a vortex of obligation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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