so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are a genius and a whore.
How naked do you want me to be?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
