A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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