never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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