I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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