accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
