Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
