he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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