Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
