It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
