is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
