I wish my penis had an off switch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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