You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
