idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
