i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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