Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
