How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
