I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
