moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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