Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
