watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your penis caused this!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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