dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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