my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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