it wasn't lemon gatorade
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
