Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
