i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
