Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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