You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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