Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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