why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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