I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
