You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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