did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
