John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
