Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
