Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
