so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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