Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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