Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
