Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
