i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize