it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
