I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
