Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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