My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
